Putting things off is the biggest waste of life: it snatches away each day as it comes, and denies us the present by promising the future. The greatest obstacle to living is expectancy, which hangs upon tomorrow and loses today. You are arranging what lies in Fortune’s control, and abandoning what lies in yours. What are you looking at? To what goal are you straining? The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.
Seneca in On the Shortness of Life
Song: “Be Brave” by My Brightest Diamond
I am a narcissist. I am obsessed with the process of aging. On me. I am obsessed with the passage of time. Who I’m becoming before my eyes.
When you get a pet you usually have some idea of the time commitment. My friend Marisela had a Great Dane, Cousteau. she knew when she got him as a tiny puppy thats he would grow exponentially and that he would live about 10 years. maximum. Great Danes have very small hearts relative to their very large bodies. Their engine eventually just gets too exhausted to go further. They shut down Cousteau was a super intelligent dog. Such a beautiful knowing gaze and he had a huge heart. Mari knew she had a limited time with him. perhaps that made it easier to let him go? When I got kitty i was told he could live about 12 years.
Winston began to have various health issues at 8 or so: Urinary issues producing stones. Weight loss. Heart murmur. Arthritis. I was told to give him injections of fluids daily. Biweekly was the best I could do sometimes. My left hand displayed my many failures at being his nurse. each needle wound betraying all the times he would manage to move and even sometimes escape from my hold entirely.
He’s doing much better now. He’s on an oral steroid. It lets him regain an appetite. And he loves it. He happily laps it up as if it were a special treat. He’s now at a healthy weight. His urinary issues are under control after a combo of surgery, change of diet, and meds.I guess these are also a celebration of my spinsterdom if I’m feeling generous. I’m rarely generous. There in lies the (dark) humor? The revelation? Hardly. It’s a revelation of the obvious. Become the cliche. Be that cat lady. Own it. Don’t apologies for it.
I was afraid I’d lose him too soon. I wanted to document our life and bond together; create something to remember him. Each portrait is a celebration of another year together. Best buddies. (I love you, Kitty.)